When my elderly mother lived alone in an apartment, she needed family help with getting her groceries, doing her finances because she had failing vision, taking her to doctors’ appointments, and doing the major housecleaning. Because of their proximity, this needed help often came from my brother, sister, and my niece, one of my mother’s granddaughters, Tracy. In a phone conversation, Mom shared with me what she had told Tracy. “You’re doing God’s work when you help me.” Golden words from a woman in her golden years.
Frequently people exclaim, “I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.” The reality is that God’s call on our lives might include being a burden to others. Our need gives them the opportunity to carry out their calling from God by helping us carry our burden.
The apostle Paul stated, “The Lord Jesus himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive’”(Acts 20:35). This great truth not only means that we should serve others, so we are a blessing in their life, but that sometimes we must allow others the opportunity of giving themselves to us, so they can be blessed by being a blessing in our life.
As we grow older, we’ll likely face an increasing need for dependence on others. If we succeed at surviving to a ripe old age, the chances are even greater we’ll need more help.
Babies need help from others, but older people frequently need help from others as well—the youngest and the oldest, the bookends of life. People in between these two bookends of life are often called upon to offer care to the young and old. Theirs is a story of bearing a burden. We who are in are senior years, the last book on the shelf, part of our story might involve being a burden to others, but it can be a beautiful burden.
Marilyn McEntyre, in her book, A Faithful Farewell: Living Your Last Chapter with Love, writes, “The Amish teach that the sick, the elderly, and the dying are gifts to the community because of the love and care they bring forth. That’s a beautiful and generous way to think about what my ‘contribution’ may be now to a community in which I used to be much more ‘useful.’ Allowing others to be generous and tender, giving them occasion for the sacrifices of time and energy that deepen their investment in my life, may seem like a necessary evil, but perhaps it’s a necessary good. I am still a participant.”2
Joni Eareckson Tada, writer, speaker, and artist, has been a quadriplegic for over forty years. She depends on caretakers, including her husband Ken, to survive … and thrive. She has said that God designed her disability as a means for moving her from being independent to being interdependent.
We would rather see ourselves as helping someone rather than being helped. But the reality is, for every burden lifter, there’s a person who has a burden and needs help lifting it. God does not tell us we should be independent. Instead, the Bible calls for us to be, as Joni Eareckson Tada stated, “interdependent.” The apostle Paul wrote, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).
Through the aging process, living independently as long as we can is our wish. However, there might come a time when this is no longer possible. Ironically, living independently to avoid being a burden on others, when it’s not realistic to do so, might actually increase the burden we put on those who love us, who are concerned about us.
When we need help carrying our burden of aging, we should realize that the humble acceptance of help is a powerful way the Lord is refining us, for it takes more grace to accept help than give help. Being less of a burden on others is achieved by being grateful, cheerful, and encouraging instead of grumbling, apologizing, and complaining that we’re in such a position. Yes, we can be a beautiful burden.
When I think of being a beautiful burden, I’m reminded of Rudy Holloman, a senior member in the church I served. He was a widower, lived alone, and was legally blind. His family was supportive, providing as much help as they could, but there were times when they weren’t available to take Rudy to church or a doctor’s appointment. This is where his church family came in.
To Rudy’s credit, he wasn’t afraid to ask for a ride from those in his church. Rudy remained quite mobile because people rarely turned down his request for a ride. He got to where he had to go, even where he wanted to go. They loved taking Rudy places because Rudy was a fun person to be around. He was joyful and humorous. He also gave a homemade loaf of banana bread as a thank you gift to those who took him places.
A couple who often took Rudy to church and other places recalled how, when they were pushing him down a ramp in his wheelchair, he would raise his hands in the air shouting, “Whoopee!” Rudy was not a burden.
Unlike Rudy, we add to the burden on the person helping us by being so apologetic or depressed about needing help that we’re no fun to be around. We can even go so far as being short tempered around our helper. That’s when we become a real burden, the very thing we don’t want to be.
Sure, asking for help is humbling. Bingo! Guess what attribute God wants us to develop? Humility. God’s divine plan is that we let ourselves be helped as well as being a helper. The apostle Paul, grateful for the financial help from the Christians at Philippi, wrote, “Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble” (Philippians 4:14).
We should see being dependent upon others as a type of sacrament. A sacrament is something tangible, physical, that we participate in which reminds us of something spiritual. Being dependent on others can, in a tangible way, remind us that we’re dependent on God, that his help is often being channeled through the people whose help we need. Allowing ourselves to be helped can be a sacramental experience for us.
Yes, serving others joyfully is important. However, just as important is joyfully accepting others serving us, a truth we should adopt, as we navigate the senior years. I learned this from my mother, who saw her granddaughter “doing God’s work” by helping her, and from my parishioner Rudy Holloman, who asked for help, giving away banana bread.
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