In terms of intimacy and oneness, marriage holds the top spot as the ultimate human relationship—and there isn’t a close second! It is the mysterious, mystical fusion of a man and a woman into what the Bible uniquely describes as “one flesh.”
But as you know too well, the closer the proximity of two people, the higher the potential for friction. Many, many men than have told me their marriages are not working the way God intended. In fact, of all the problems I’ve seen men wrestle with, marriage-related problems are more prevalent and more damaging than all the rest—combined. Not happy here, not happy anywhere.
While not every man marries, most have or will, so let’s dive in to #46 on my list of 70 things every man needs to know.
Obviously, no man plans to fail at marriage. But what does it take to succeed? Ephesians 5:25 offers the principal instruction to married men: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
If you want to fully understand your role as a husband and the spiritual leader of your home, you must first consider how Christ loved the church. Once you do, it quickly becomes clear that you have zero chance of building a strong marriage without understanding how to lead your marriage with sacrificial love.
Many men mistake “Christ” for Jesus’ last name. Of course, Christ is not a name but rather a title for Jesus that means “Messiah” or “anointed one.” As our leader, Jesus loves us, the church, as our “anointed one.” And since husbands are instructed to love their wives in the same way as Jesus loved the church, we need to know exactly what Jesus was anointed to do.
Prophet, Priest, and King
Jesus in his capacity as our Christ occupies the classic, threefold office of prophet, priest, and king:
The role of a prophet: In the Old Testament, a prophet would face the people and speak on God’s behalf. In the New Testament, Jesus was a prophet who spoke the Word of God to the people and was, in fact, the Word incarnate. Stated simply, a prophet is someone who represents God to others.
In this way, a husband is to be the family prophet. He represents God to his wife (and by extension to his family). He proclaims the gospel of faith to them, sharing biblical instruction and guidance with his wife and children without becoming legalistic. He prepares family devotions and encourages personal devotions along with other spiritual disciplines, modeling them himself. He leads his family in engaging in the life of the local church. He is a messenger from God to his family.
The role of a priest: If a prophet represents God to people, then a priest represents people to God. In the Old Testament, a priest would turn his back to the people and mediate on their behalf before God. Jesus is the High Priest who mediated between people and the Father by the sacrifice of His life. A priest mediates before God.
Similarly, a husband is to be the family priest. He represents his wife and children to God. He spends time in prayer each day remembering the needs and concerns of his wife. He prays for the salvation of his children and asks the Lord to forgive their sins. He sets the spiritual temperature in the home. He is a mediator to God for his family.
The role of a king: A noble king leads, protects, and provides for his people. He takes responsibility for their welfare. He provides both justice and mercy. Jesus is a king from the line of David.
A husband is to be the family king. He provides for the needs of his family and works diligently. He treats his wife with consideration and respect, careful not to be harsh with her. He administers discipline to his children with fairness and is quick to forgive and overlook offenses. He strives to protect his family from physical, emotional, or spiritual harm. He acts in a manner worthy of receiving honor. He is a provider for his family.
Tell yourself and the men you disciple: “You have been charged to love your wives sacrificially, as Jesus loved the church, and to serve as the spiritual leaders of your homes—a messenger from God to your family, a mediator to God from your family, and their protector and provider. It is God’s will for your marriage to work. After Him but before all others, make your wife your priority.”
Two Steps to Help Keep the Devil Out of Your Marriage
In the last Weekly Wisdom email, I shared my long-held maxim that a Bible, a small group, and serving someone else will solve 90% of your problems. I believe you can increase that to 99% if you regularly do two things:
- Pray with your wife.
- Pray for your wife.
In fact, if I was the devil, getting you to not pray with or for your wife would be one of my top strategies—unhappy here, unhappy everywhere.
My estimate is that fewer than 10% of men pray with their wives. I urge you in the strongest terms possible: Pray with your wife! For example, my wife and I maintain a “pray out loud together list” of people and situations that we pray for at the beginning of the day, after coffee. Not only are our prayers changing the course of human history, we just feel closer to each other when we pray. Prayer puts us on the same page.
When it comes to praying for my wife, nothing has changed my attitude and the way I act toward her more than The Marriage Prayer—68 words that capture the essence of what the Bible teaches about marriage. Shoot for once a day, settle for five days a week. Biggest takeaway for me? I appreciate her so much more. Prayer makes me want to be a cheerful companion. And when I don’t feel cheerful, prayer makes me less likely to take it out on her. Try these 68 words daily for one month:
Father,
I said, “’Til death do us part”—I want to mean it.
Help me love You more than her,
and her more than anyone or anything else.
Help me bring her into Your presence today.
Make us one, like You are three in one.
I want to hear her, cherish her, and serve her—
so she would love you more and we can bring You glory.
Amen.
I’ve spoken and written on marriage a lot. You can search for “marriage” and “woman” on patrickmorley.com and find books like Devotions for Couples and practical articles such as “Ten Ways to Really Love a Woman.” You can also visit manalivebiblestudy.com to find Bible studies such as “Wives: How to be Happily Married.”
This week, I challenge you to memorize The Marriage Prayer. You’ll be so glad you did—and so will your wife!
Always on your side,
Pat
Reflection and Discussion Questions
- Reflection (Heart): What is the best lesson you have ever learned about how to have a great marriage? Given an example that explains why that’s your best lesson.
- Knowledge (Head): Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” What kind of love did Jesus have for the church? What does this teach you about the kind of love God wants you to practice in marriage?
- Application (Hands): What one specific action can you begin this week—such as praying out loud with your wife, praying daily for her, or starting a simple “family prophet/priest/king” habit—that will strengthen your oneness and protect your marriage or future marriage?
In 1986, Patrick Morley launched a small Bible study in a bar that grew into Man in the Mirror, a global ministry reaching millions Iof men and thousands of churches. His book The Man in the Mirror became one of the 20th century’s most influential. A leading voice on men’s discipleship, he’s authored 22 books and 750+ articles, with global translations. Patrick holds degrees from UCF, Harvard, Oxford, and Reformed Theological Seminary. He and his wife live in Winter Park, Florida. Learn more at the Patrick Morley website.
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