“Then I heard a voice from heaven say, ‘Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.’” Revelation 14:13
Seven years ago, my husband’s father passed away. He was close to his father, so it was painful for him. Although he no longer lives near his childhood home, visiting it was still challenging for the first few years after his passing. Stepping into the living room and noticing his chair unoccupied was jarring, bringing up many emotions for him and all of us.
It was difficult for anyone to sit in his father’s chair for years after he died. But one day, during a visit, there were not enough chairs to go around, so I sat in the chair. No one wanted to make the first move and let someone else sit in his chair. But simply leaving his chair empty would not honor his legacy, either.
For years, it had been difficult for my husband to even talk about his dad since the death was too painful for him. But little by little, as each year passed, it became easier to talk about him. We shared laughs and special memories, especially of my husband on the boat fishing with his dad. A few years ago, his brother started a company and named it after his father’s business, which his father had founded back in the 1990s.
Death is difficult. However, we can honor the legacy of the people who have loved before us. If you have a spouse or a person who has lost a loved one, you can still honor their legacy in your home. For example, find a mantle or a shelf where you can place some mementos of your favorite memories of that in-law—decorate it with photos, trinkets, or any other memorabilia you would like to include. Some memorabilia can even be symbolic, like a matchbox car that represents a special car or truck you used to have.
The above verse emphasizes the importance of blessing those who have passed away before us. This means to honor their legacy. Take time as a couple to remember the legacy of the in-law who has passed away. Talk about them regularly, especially during the holidays. The first year of holidays can be challenging, as people adjust to a new normal without that parent by their side. However, as the years pass, those transitions get easier.
As a spouse, you might want to make a special dessert or entrée that your in-law especially loves. Eat it in their honor and share special memories of them. You can also purchase a special possession or item in their memory. For example, my husband has wanted a boat for many years. One day, he will buy a boat, and it will symbolize the special memories he had with his father.
Everyone in life wants to leave a legacy. It’s important to remember those who have gone before us, but not to idolize them or make them the object of your worship. God is the only one who should be worshipped. Preserving their memory by talking about them and sharing special memories is a good way to honor them. Not wanting to talk about them or constantly remembering them might be making more of an issue out of the in-laws than is appropriate.
Above all, go at your spouse’s pace. Your spouse may not want to talk about it for months or even years after the passing, so allow them to grieve in their own timeline. Grief is not linear and takes a different time frame for everyone. Honor both your spouse and the in-law by allowing your spouse to go at their own pace.
God gave us memories for a reason. He allows us to remember the past so that not only can we learn from them, but also remember the people whom God has placed in our path. This is especially important for parents. Everyone wants to leave a legacy. What legacy would you like to honor for those who have gone before you?
Father, let us leave a legacy for our loved ones. Let us put up memories around the home to remind us of the special people in our lives. Let us grieve well and live on, carrying on their legacy so that their memory can still make a difference in the world. Amen.
Michelle S. Lazurek is a multi-genre award winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife and mother. She is a regular contributor for ibelieve.com and crosswalk.com and is a movie reviewer for Movieguide Magazine. She also is a literary agent for Wordwise Media Services. When not working, she enjoys sipping a Starbucks latte, collecting 80s memorabilia, and spending time with her family and her crazy dog, Cookie. For more info, please visit her website www.michellelazurek.com.
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