We live in a culture that seems to glorify busyness. Between work responsibilities, family obligations, social commitments, and everyday tasks, it often feels like we’re running a never-ending race. Unfortunately, this constant state of busyness can war against real relational connections – especially in our marriages.
As Pastor Chappell wisely noted in “Are We There Yet?”:
“When you are dating, it’s comparatively easy to keep your relationship front and center. It’s new, exciting, and consuming. But then you get married, and, well, it’s not that your relationship feels less important to you; it’s just that life has a way of shifting your focus. Children come, responsibilities change, urgent matters press. And somewhere along the line, busyness takes over.”
In the race to keep up with all the demands and pressures of busy seasons, we can end up losing our joy, peace, and the relationships that are vitally important to us.
There’s an old story about sailors on a steamboat race who became so fixated on winning that they began burning their cargo to fuel the engines. They were so focused on winning the race that they destroyed the very things they were transporting.
Sometimes, we can be like those sailors. We get caught up in the busyness of life—pursuing career wins, keeping up with society’s definition of success—and in the process, we end up “burning” what’s most important: our relationship with God, our spouse, and our children.
The Solution Isn’t More Time
The solution to a busy season isn’t necessarily about having more time or learning another time management technique. Rather, it’s about prioritizing and focusing on what’s most important, then proactively implementing those priorities in our daily decisions. It’s realizing that the “cargo” is more important than winning the race.
This reminds me of the biblical story of Martha and Mary (Luke 10:38-42). Martha was “cumbered about much serving”—anxious, stressed, and bitter—while Mary chose to sit at Jesus’ feet. Mary wasn’t ignoring her responsibilities; she was prioritizing the one thing that was truly needful.
Three Principles for Enjoying Busy Seasons
Let me share three practical principles that can help us enjoy busy seasons while wisely stewarding our time and relationships:
1. Prioritize Our Commitments
Clarify Your Roles
Take time to identify the different roles you have in life. Just as my first job at Surf City Pizza included clear responsibilities (pizza deliverer, phone answerer, dishwasher, and pizza box maker), we need to be clear about our personal responsibilities.
Some of my roles include:
Child of God
Husband
Father
Soulwinner
Steward of resources
Staff member
Connection Group Leader
Categorize Your Roles
Not every role is equal, and therefore not every role should receive the same amount of time, attention, and energy. Think of it like juggling balls—some are made of rubber, and some are made of glass. You can drop the rubber ones, but the glass ones will shatter.
As Richard Swenson writes in “Margin”: “We once again agree that things do not own us and are not even very important. We once again assert that jobs are only jobs, that cars are only organized piles of metal, that houses will one day fall down – but that people are important beyond description.”
Two relationships should be at the top of everyone’s list:
- Relationship with our Savior
“And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.” (Mark 12:30)
If our vertical relationship with God isn’t strong, our horizontal relationships will suffer. Like a multi-tiered fountain, the overflow from our relationship with God feeds our other relationships.
- Relationship with our Spouse
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”(Genesis 2:24)
The most important human relationship we have is with our spouse. Yet too often, husbands let their vocation supersede their marriage, and wives let their children supersede their marriage.
Cancel or Restrict
We must be ready to completely delete some responsibilities in our lower-priority roles or drastically cut down the time we spend on them.
The #1 myth of productivity is that we should strive to be efficient (getting more things done faster). But what’s most important is effectiveness—getting the right things done. As Matt Perman notes in “What’s Best Next”: “Efficiency doesn’t matter if you are doing the wrong things in the first place.”
Time is limited. We can’t do it all. Think of your schedule like a closet with limited space—you can only fit so much in. At some point, you have to delete things, which might mean:
Quitting a hobby
Changing your job
Taking a pay cut
Saying “no” to certain activities
2. Pursue Connections
“Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.” (Ephesians 5:16-17)
We need to wisely steward our time because it requires time to make emotional, spiritual, and physical connections with our spouse.
Schedule Your Commitments
“So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12)
Just as we budget our finances, we must budget our time. Without a financial budget, we tend to spend our limited resources on low-priority items. The same is true with time—if we don’t schedule it, we waste much of it on responsibilities of little value.
Three practices for scheduling commitments with your spouse:
- Dialogue Daily – Set aside time each day to talk
- Date Weekly – Have a dedicated date night
- Depart Quarterly – Take trips together every few months
There’s a great difference between intentions and intentionality. We all can say, “I need to spend more time with my spouse,” but intentions alone accomplish nothing. Intentionality is about taking initiative and developing a plan that turns intentions into reality.
Sync Your Calendars
Relationship expert Willard Harley recommends giving your spouse your undivided attention for a minimum of fifteen hours each week. This might seem impossible at first, but consider:
- We have 168 hours each week
- If we sleep 8 hours per day, that leaves 112 waking hours
- 15 hours is just 13% of your waking hours
Try a weekly review with your spouse—perhaps Sunday afternoon for 30 minutes—where you block out 15 hours a week in your schedules together. As Matt Perman says, “Starting your week with a plan enables you to navigate your life proactively and avoid reactionary living.”
Strive for Creativity
In busy seasons of life, be creative in making connections with your spouse:
- Quick 30-minute date in the backyard after kids go to bed
- Meet for a quick lunch at a local restaurant
- Cook a meal together
- Fold laundry together
- Do the dishes together
- Go for a 15-minute walk
- Exercise together
- Stay connected via text messages throughout the day
- Leave notes for each other
- Hug for 10 seconds when you reunite
- Hold hands
- Do ministry together
3. Plan Cooperation
Walk in the Spirit
The busier our lives get, the more we must be in tune with the Holy Spirit.
“And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourself in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Ephesians 5:18-20)
During busy seasons, we can get irritated and act out in the flesh. Hence, we must be walking in the Spirit of God.
Think of it like a couple canoeing together—you need coordination and cooperation to move forward effectively. As Warren Wiersbe writes, “The unity of the church and the harmony of the home both depend on the Spirit. It is power from within, not pressure from without, that holds the church and the home together.”
Work With Your Spouse
“Submitting yourself one to another in the fear of God.” (Ephesians 5:21)
When seasons are busy, work together as a team when it comes to childcare and household chores, and wisely divide responsibilities:
- Discuss the Plan – Talk about who will do what
- Consider Who’s Best Qualified – Ask: What do you enjoy doing? What are you good at doing?
- Constantly Seek Balance – Different seasons will bring different schedules and responsibilities
- Strive to Help – Remember you’re a team; when one area is lacking, jump in and help
Oftentimes, a lot of frustration and conflicts can be avoided when husband and wife communicate and work together as a team.
Conclusion
Busy seasons are inevitable in life, but they don’t have to steal our joy or damage our relationships. By prioritizing our commitments, pursuing connections with our loved ones, and planning cooperation with our spouse and with God, we can navigate even the busiest seasons with grace and purpose.
Remember that busy doesn’t have to mean burnt out. With intentionality and wisdom, we can enjoy the busy seasons of life while protecting what matters most.
Paul Choi serves as the Administrative Liaison and Bible Instructor at West Coast Baptist College. He brings pastoral experience to the students he teaches and mentors. He and his wife Sera also lead a couples class at Lancaster Baptist Church. They have three children who enjoy serving the Lord with their parents. Paul is a contributor to Ministry127.com
Image by Mircea Iancu from Pixabay
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