There are some topics that are always hidden away or whispered about behind closed doors. There are souls among us who are too often seen only from the outside, met with judgement and causing shame.

Do we truly understand what it means to hit rock bottom? Is it something you have personally experienced? Or, is this a man or woman you only walk by or ignore laying on a curb? Can you even imagine the pain and frustration felt by that person? How about the tentacles that wrap entire families into a living nightmare? Have you been there?

I have….  I know what it is like to slide so far down into that darkness that you actually consider ending it all. My poison was in freely choosing to walk away from God and His blessings. This is true, and it was because of my stupid male ego.

My sin is not what is important here…. It is important for all to understand that it stemmed from my walking away from God.

By the time I realized just how much pain I had caused others because of my actions, I could not see a way out. Sin is addictive. It only brings with it death and pain. I am the one who brought pain and suffering to my family and friends. Darkness was my constant companion, dragging me deeper and deeper into its depths.

When I could no longer stand the pain of thinking I had lost my wife and children, I drove myself out into a field far from everyone. I decided to end my life. I took a loaded rifle and placed it against my chest and pulled the trigger.

 Nothing happened. That rifle had never once misfired before.

I did not want to injure another person. I turned the rifle out my car window pointing it at a tree next to me. The very instant that rifle was aimed at the tree it discharged. I shook until my whole body felt hollow, nausea rising as I crumbled into uncontrollable tears.

In that same millisecond a bright light surrounded my car entirely! The light was both inside and out. Then I heard a voice. It seemed to be inside me and yet all around me. Abba, our Heavenly Father called me by my name. I couldn’t breathe. I continued to sob. My name was called a second time….

A fear that felt like fire and glory surged through me, and I knew beyond a doubt, beyond escape…. it was the voice of God. “I am not done with you.”

I felt every part of my body shake. I heard His love reaching out for me…. Me, a sinner who walked away from my Father! Abba love wrapped around me like a shield, refusing to let despair have the final word over my life.

This happened many, many years ago, and remains fresh forever in my mind and heart.  

Because of God’s love, I was forgiven and given a new life. Abba said, “I am not done with you.” Because of His awakening love, I have been blessed by allowing the Holy Spirit to guide my steps touching the lives of others. For more than thirty years Abba has allowed me to work with both young men and women suffering from drug usage, alcohol, sexual abuse, prostitution, and runaways.

The joy of serving our Heavenly Father runs deeper than anything I could ever express. My heart overflows with joy knowing I’ll never fully grasp how many lives His love has touched through me.

What I can tell you, and this is with full certainty, is that God loves you! His hand is there reaching out for you. You cannot hide your sin, and you cannot hide from God. Abba loved you so very much that He gave His only son to die on the cross for each of us.

1 John 1:9  “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us in our sins and PURIFY US FROM ALL UNRIGHTEOUSNESS.”   This verse promises that when believers confess their sins, God acts on His character to forgive and cleanse them, restoring fellowship with Him.

Psalm 103:12  “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us”

A biblical promise of “TOTAL, INFINITE, and DIVINE forgiveness.

When Jesus proclaimed that “I AM” (Gods Holy Name) it is one of seven times in the Gospel of John, affirming His role as the exclusive mediator between God and man.

John 14:6  Jesus declares; “ I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” NIV

If you are, have been, or know someone who is at rock bottom, remind them that there is a way out. Don’t shout, don’t scream, don’t smack them. Give them the same love as God has given to me. Then tell them there is hope in His love and forgiveness. A fresh start is taking hold of the Masters hand and allowing the Holy Spirit to work in your life.

I pray a blessing of God upon each of you. I pray that you and those you love may never experience this walk in darkness. I pray you are always kept safe in the loving arms of our most high God. Thank you for allowing me to share this little bit with you.

Love, Papa Moose

Most people call William Moorhead, “Papa Moose”. He brags that he is  married to an angel with her wings clipped. He and Marilyn have been married for nine years. Writing is something he never thought that he’d be called to do. However, God pricked his heart five years ago and he can’t put his pen down. He never knows what the subject will be or when God will stir his heart to write. It is Papa’s hope and prayer that his short stories will touch the hearts and minds of those who read them. 

Photograph by CoPilot