When my wife, Tonya, and I get asked how many children we have and how old they are. We say five and that they are only five years apart, from the oldest to the youngest. First, they are surprised we have five; second, they are surprised that the age spread is only five years. We clarify: we have five children between the two of us. She has three boys, and I have one of each, a boy and a girl. The girl falls right in the middle. We are a blended family.
We’d been married seven years before we took a family trip that included all five kids. We have been blessed. Our kids get along, maybe just for our sake, but if so, they are really good at it. In addition, we tried to have a weekly family Sunday dinner (Blue Blood style), but with significant others and work schedules, it became a lot more difficult than we thought.
A few months after giving up the practice, our hearts melted when, within a week of each other, two of our kids said that we all needed to get together. Even better because it was one from each side of the family. We loved it, and we know we need to start doing it more often, even if it is a big hassle sometimes.
Don’t get me wrong, blending a family is not for the faint of heart. There are so many conversations about how to do things, how visitation works, who stays where, how they all stay at one time, who handles discipline, and what we do when there is an argument. It’s not easy, and even though we are now empty nesters, we still occasionally struggle. Our family keeps growing, and we keep adding, or rather adopting, more people into the mix. So, when the kids ask to get together, we try hard to make it happen.
In the last few years, our two oldest boys have married wonderful ladies who already had children. Just like with a blended family, it takes time to adjust, mostly for them but really for everyone.
We have three grandchildren, ages 10, 5, and 3. They are amazing. Even though we didn’t get to meet them at birth, we can’t remember when they weren’t around. We try hard to make a special time for them to come over without their parents. This is also a new adjustment for us.
Our oldest grandson has his nights with us, and we usually eat and play games. Occasionally, Tonya will find an event somewhere, and we go to it instead: a baseball game, a Christmas light event, food trucks. Somehow we almost always end up back at our place playing games with him.
The younger two are siblings, and they pretty much take over the house. They are non-stop action, and when the time is over, Grandma Ton Ton (long O sound) is worn out. They are still warming up to me, so I join when they allow it. I usually get to cook lunch, snacks, or supper for them. They even know that if there is food, I am the one who makes it.
The point is that adoption happens at all ages. Whether it is blending a family, welcoming a new daughter or son into the family as they become significant to our children, kids of significant others, or kids adopting their bonus dad and getting a new set of grandparents. Adoption happens all the time in every family.
I realized it all came together when my son had a bad break-up. He called me, we said “Hi,” and he immediately asked to talk to Tonya. A few weeks later, one of her boys called me and asked for advice and possible help with car trouble. It happens when we ask if our oldest grandson can come over, and his parents tell us that is all he can talk about until we go get him. He is about to enter middle school, and we worry that as he grows up, he won’t want to come see us, but we will take it all while we can.
God adopts us all. Paul tells us throughout the New Testament.
Romans 8:15-23 (NCV) “The Spirit we received does not make us slaves again to fear; it makes us children of God. With that Spirit we cry out, ‘Father… We have the Spirit as the first part of God’s promise. So we are waiting for God to finish making us his own children, which means our bodies will be made free.”
Galatians 4:4-5 “But when the right time came, God sent his Son who was born of a woman and lived under the law. God did this so he could buy freedom for those who were under the law and so we could become his children.”
Ephesians 1:4-5 “In Christ, God chose us before the world was made so that we would be his holy people—people without blame before him. Because of his love, God had already decided to make us his own children through Jesus Christ. That was what he wanted and what pleased him.”
We are part of a huge blended family. There is no difference between the love he has for the early believers, including the apostles, and the love he has for us today. We are adopted, whether it is awkward, a perfect fit, strained, or just asking for the family to get together. Our heavenly Father has made us his heirs.
Next time you are sitting in your pew or chair, look around – to your right, left, in front, and behind you. You are surrounded not only by other church members, but by your brothers and sisters.
Adopted? Yes! Just like you are, blessed with the same adoption. How wonderful it is to be added to God’s (blended) Family.
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