For Better or Worse — 25 Lessons From 25 Years

My wife and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage tomorrow. God has been so good to us! 

Marriage is a gift. Looking back in the rearview mirror, here are 25 random lessons from 25 remarkable years. 

1. Learn to fight fair. Don’t get historical.
2. “Fine” never actually means fine.
3. Say what you mean. Your spouse cannot read your mind, no matter how long you’ve been married.
4. Tone matters more than words. You can say the right thing the wrong way and still lose.
5. Never send a heated text. Have the conversation instead.
6. Don’t take everything personally. If you can’t laugh together, you’re in trouble.
7. Learn to apologize quickly, and first. 
8. Listen to your spouse through their eyes, not yours. Their perspective may be different, but it’s valid. 
9. Love is a daily decision, not a daily feeling. 
10. The goal isn’t to just stay married, but to build something worth staying in.
11. Put God at the center, and everything else fits into place. A couple that prays together stays together. 
12. Marriage is meant to be fun, adventurous, and enjoyable, but it won’t happen accidentally. 
13. Marriage (much like parenting) will expose every weakness you have.
14. Every marriage has seasons. Some of them are winter. Weather the storms together. You won’t regret it.
15. You will hurt each other. Remember, forgiveness isn’t a feeling, but a choice. 
16. Marriage isn’t 50/50. That’s divorce. Marriage is each person bringing their best to the relationship, even when the other doesn’t.
17. Your marriage sets the temperature of your home. The best gift you can give your kids is a healthy marriage. 
18. Put the phone down at dinner. It can wait.
19. Surprise each other. It doesn’t have to be big, just thoughtful. 
20. Kiss and hold hands often. It matters for you, and it speaks loudly to your kids.  
21. Nobody wins an argument in marriage. Because if one person wins, the marriage loses. 
22. Most marriages aren’t a blowout, but a slow leak. Deal with sin while it’s small. 
23. Nothing says “you’re a priority” like actually making them one on your calendar, whether that’s for sex, or for date night.
24. Say “I love you” like you mean it, every single day. 
25. Never stop saying thank you for the small things.

Bonus: Marriage starts at birth. You’ll unpack your invisible suitcases for the rest of your lives. Keep the good from your upbringing. Get rid of the bad. Add something better. Then pass it on. Remember, you are a product of your past, only to the degree that you choose to be.

Charity, 25 years down. Here’s to the next 25! I love you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow.

Andrew Linder is a husband, the father of four awesome kids, and a children’s pastor at a thriving church. He is the founder of GodlyParent.com and is passionate about intentional parenting and helping other parents and leaders effectively reach the next generation. He is also the author of the new book, Godly Parenting In An Ungodly World: How to raise not just good but godly kids through heart-driven grace-based parenting.

Featured Image By Ivan S from pexels.com